


Woke Up Female

by feverbeats



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-12
Updated: 2010-06-12
Packaged: 2017-10-10 02:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/94140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He thought it couldn't get any worse than  Black escaping Azkaban and Lupin coming to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, but clearly he was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woke Up Female

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from [](http://batmanboxers.livejournal.com/profile)[**batmanboxers**](http://batmanboxers.livejournal.com/), although I think her prompt was better than this fic.

  
When Severus wakes up one morning in a female body and no idea how it happened, he's tempted to chalk it up to the universe getting creative with ways to ruin his life. He thought it couldn't get any worse than Black escaping Azkaban and Lupin coming to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, but clearly he was wrong.

He gets dressed, trying very hard not to look at himself. He's thirty-six years old and breasts shouldn't make him uncomfortable, but they do. He takes a hopeless swipe at his hair, which seems to have become even more ridiculous overnight.

Teaching is out of the question, of course. Thankfully, it's Saturday, so he'll have a little time to sort this out.

Rather than spending the time brooding in the dungeons and wondering which Weasley twin to blame this on, he decides that asking for help might be more prudent. He has _hips_, and therefore there is no time to waste.

Actually, the hips are rather manageable, considering. He's still skinny as hell and his nose is still absurd, but at least he hasn't acquired bloody _curves_.

Draping a heavy cloak—complete with hood—over himself, he makes his way to Lupin's office. Although his instincts tell him he shouldn't go to an enemy for advice, the part of his mind that's still dealing with this bizarre situation rationally reminds him that Lupin is unlikely to mock him as much as McGonagall or any of the other teachers.

When Severus comes barging in, Lupin looks up from his desk where he's working grading papers. "Severus?" he asks.

Severus throws his hood off and says the first thing that comes to mind. "_I woke up female_. Fix it, dammit." His voice is high and he bites his tongue.

Lupin is silent for a long moment, looking as though he's trying desperately hard not to laugh. "Well, we just need to, er, to . . . Severus, I've really no idea. I've never heard of anything like this happening. Perhaps it's meant to teach you a lesson?"

"Well, if so, it's a fucking stupid one," Severus says, glaring for all he's worth.

Lupin shakes his head. "I don't know if this is dark magic, Severus. It seems harmless enough."

"Easy for you to say. I feel," Severus tries. He clears his throat, desperately trying to deepen his voice. "I feel weak. And my hair is even worse than before. And Potions is a man's subject, anyhow."

"I had no idea you were so depressingly sexist," Lupin sighs, "although perhaps I could have guessed. No women's liberationist wants to play white knight that badly."

"Go straight to hell," Severus says. He considers mentioning that all most white knights want is to liberate women, but being sarcastic is generally unhelpful. He wonders for a second if he's become more level-headed as a woman, but that seems doubtful.

Lupin's mouth twitches. "All right. Well, all I can suggest is that we ask Albus. If anyone can fix this, it's him."

There are maybe a thousand things Severus would rather do than tell Dumbledore about this situation, but Lupin is right. Severus can't imagine anything worse than staying like this, to be a target of mockery for the students and other teachers. "If I must," he says. At worst, Dumbledore won't be able to fix it and Severus will have to throw himself off a building.

Dumbledore, thankfully, doesn't laugh. His eyes do twinkle a bit more than usual, but all he says is, "Don't worry, I'll be able to sort you out easily enough." A few complicated motions of his wand and Severus feels his outsides and some of his insides shifting and changing back to normal.

"Right as rain," Dumbledore says.

"That's it?" Severus asks, flattening his robes. "No lesson?"

Dumbledore smiles. "If you'd prefer me to change you back, Severus, I'm more than willing."

"No," Severus snarls, "No, thank you."

Lupin is still smiling a bit, but he doesn't say anything when Severus storms out of the room. What a fucking waste of a day. He'll consider himself lucky if he doesn't wake up tomorrow having regressed to childhood.


End file.
